The person also asked:
Would you say you are stable, happy now? That all the way was/is worth it? Is it possible?
Briefly, and in reverse order:
- Yes! - it is highly possible. Statistically probable in fact. Very likely - almost certain.
- Yes! - it was, and is, worth it. The benefits eventually outweigh the costs.
- Yes! - my stability ebbs and flows for sure but I feel fulfilled by life and have easy access to joy.
My only caveat for each ‘yes’ is that it is a ‘yes’ I choose every day.
I definitely know people who have had horrible times, resolved them and then closed the chapter on that period of their lives. And I think that is fabulous and very achievable.
It’s just different for me, more like a wiki page I continuously update than a book I complete.
I realised some time ago that I’m not going to wake up one Tuesday morning and say:
“That’s it! All done now - I’ve sorted it out!”
For a long time this caused me a lot of distress.
I used to wish it would all just stop and I could go back to some mythical time called ‘the way things used to be’.
Over time I’ve come to see this as an unhelpful way of thinking for me in a couple of ways.
It tends to restrict me focussing on what is going on in the here and now. Which means I miss the chance to see any good things in what’s happening at the moment. It also means I gloss over things about 'the way things used to be' that have been contributing to 'the way things are now' so I miss the chance to look at things I might want to change and improve.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a bit of denial! Nothing better than raising your fists to the sky and screaming ‘nooooooooooo - this isn’t happening! take me back to better days!’
But once my tantrum is over, it’s time to wipe away the hot tears of frustration and move forward.
There’s a meme that does the rounds of a misquote from a greek philosopher Heraclitus that says
“you can’t step into the same river twice”
Which tells this partial truth of dealing with life as it is - always changing like a river.
But I find the fuller quote more useful:
“No man can step in the same river twice for it’s not the same river and he is not the same man”
Life changes and so do we.
So will I be myself again? No
Can I still find a new sense of inner peace, fulfilment and happiness? Yes!
If you're ready to jump in the river, let's talk.